Universal Principles in Action!

Recently I was in a dilemma about a prosperity workshop I wanted to attend. The guest facilitator was someone I’d heard about years before and whom I admired from a distance. I’d never met her in person but, after hearing her story of success and reading her book of how she has used – and continues to use – Spiritual principles to create a prosperous life, I was inspired to take the next step and attend her workshop. And I needed to quell any lingering doubt and skepticism about what she was teaching. I believed the only way I could learn the truth of her claims was to meet her in person. Little did I know her lesson would come from an entirely different source.

The first challenge I encountered was that her workshop was scheduled on a date for which I already had major commitments at the exact same time. The afternoon was fully booked. I was required to attend another function, and there was no way to see her that day. I searched her website to discover she would be in another town the following evening, delivering the same presentation…a town that was 360 miles away!

After a little more research, I knew I’d rather drive than fly. I could leave the morning of the workshop, drive about six or seven hours, attend the two-hour workshop, stay the night at a hotel, and drive back early the next day so I could teach my own class the following evening. Piece of cake! Then I went online to register for the workshop. After entering my name and contact details, I hit the “submit” button and got an instant response: EVENT SOLD OUT. Argh!

Now, when I had finished reading her book the midnight before, Spirit had given me a nudge. You know, that small voice with the big message? It had told me to contact her directly about how much I wanted to meet and talk with her…how inspired I was by her book. So when I received the “SOLD OUT” message about the workshop, I began writing an email to her – to propose another idea. At the same time, I sent an email to the distant workshop organizer, asking to be placed on a reserve, backup or waiting list, in case someone canceled at the last minute and I could still get in. Simultaneously, I had a quick but stern talk with the Divine.

I said, “Listen up, God. You’re the one that put this idea into my head. I’ve done everything I know to do to see her. If you really want me to go, then you better figure it out and DO something about this! I’m ready to go. I’ve done all I can. And if this creative intention stuff really works, then show me some results now!” I’d worked myself up into quite a praying frenzy. So I took a deep breath and went back to writing my email to the author/teacher.

I explained about not being able to see her at the first workshop due to conflicting events…how I was willing to drive the distance to see her in another town…only to find out there were no tickets available, but that I was on a waiting list and hopeful. I offered to drive her from Point A to Point B (and back again) just for the privilege of hearing her experiences and basking in her years of wisdom. I assured her I was not a stalker, just a very enthusiastic minister with a desire for clarity about a big project of my own. I offered to pay for the travel and meals, and deliver her safely to wherever she needed to go, even if I could not get into any of the workshops where she would be speaking. I’d patiently wait at my hotel until the next day and bring her back to wherever she needed to be. I was willing to serve and happy to accept any time and conversation she was able to offer.

I was just about done composing and editing her email, when another one came back from the distant workshop organizers. They explained that they had put me on the reserve list a few minutes ago, as I had requested. I had been second on that list. However, they just received a cancellation from a couple who couldn’t use their two tickets, so enclosed in the email was a link to my FREE ticket and directions to the workshop location. They also offered to find me a place to stay with one of their group’s members. They looked forward to meeting me soon.

As I read the email twice and then again, I started crying. I also quickly printed the ticket to be sure it was real. Then I sent a REPLY, thanking God…and them…for the opportunity to attend. Hotel reservations were secured immediately. After wiping the tears from my joyful face, taking a few deep breaths, and gathering my itinerary papers together, I went back to make changes to my email to the author/teacher.

The email now expressed a tone of heartfelt service rather than pleading. I told her I had been able to secure a ticket at the new location. I resisted offering all the details of this miraculous victory. My offer to drive was still an option I hoped she would consider. I pressed SEND…and smiled my way through a prayer of gratitude for this valuable lesson.

When we are clear about our intention, our desire, to experience something Good in our lives…and state it or write it plainly…and throw in some passion toward its creation…and do our part but also leave some room for God to work in mysterious and wondrous ways…I have NO doubt that demonstrations such as this will occur all the time. We need to be open to seeing the miracles, the God-stuff, being created all around us…in God-time, not ours.

This was the fastest gift I’d ever received from the Divine (that I can remember). It wasn’t my first and it won’t be the last. But this experience was a clear reminder of the clarity, the passion, and the trust I need to have when creating something I desire. It wasn’t going to come from the author/teacher. It came from the Divine Power within me…the same Power that’s within each of us. What an incredible lesson! And there’s more…

Since that day my “big project” has gotten even more clarity. With the help of a spiritual life coach, I saw not only some much needed adjustments to the vision I’d been creating for myself, but also what had kept me from going forward with my plans. It was the wrong dream! My new direction has filled me with energy, enthusiasm, and simplicity of vision…it’s do-able and exciting! I wake up eager each morning to take the next steps into my future…and reluctantly retire to bed late at night. I love this life!

One last note…in case you still don’t think God has a “hand” in our affairs. After all that activity to secure a ticket, get a hotel room, rearrange my work schedule, etc., a week before the workshop date the author/teacher fell and broke her arm, which will include additional surgery. She had to cancel BOTH workshops and has no other events scheduled in this area for the rest of this year. However, there is a FREE three-day Ministers’ workshop next year at her retreat center…and I REALLY want to see what that looks like.     Listen up, God!

Self-Reliance

[I wrote most of this in 2006 with a bit more added today…a reflection of Emerson's essay of the same name. ]

When I’ve thought of self-reliance in the past, it’s always been in the form of survival, of doing what needed to be done and usually without anyone’s help. I learned to rely on certain skills to live my life and care for my children – skills such as: my ability to work and learn, intellect, communication, to “read” people, humor, to get back up no matter how much I was beaten down, to adapt, to change. These are the tools that kept me alive, fed my children, and allowed me to build a life. I’m proud of what I’ve accomplished and the challenges I’ve overcome. My abilities served me well.

However, there were times when I did not trust my own judgment. I occasionally lost touch with any sense of God-presence and many times turned to my human abilities or the words of others rather than rely on a Higher Power. I was self-reliant, but with a small “s.”

Emerson’s self-reliance offers a different perspective. He defines it as “a new respect for the divinity in man.” This interpretation has me thinking of it as Self-reliance (with a big “S”). I now view the term as, not what I can do to live, but what I can be to express who I am in this life.

I agree with Emerson on a number of points he made. I can believe in my own thought; I can trust myself. As a living expression of God, I must find courage to fully express my uniqueness, my talents and abilities, without hesitation. There is no reason to imitate someone else in order to find fulfillment in my life – “imitation is suicide” and it kills the core of who I am. If I believe that “infancy conforms to nobody,” then why would I choose conformity as an adult and allow society more control over my life? “My life is not an apology, but a life.” I must and DO live it to the fullest capacity I can muster. Emerson states: “Do your work, and you shall reinforce yourself.”

Well, I know how to work, and am finally doing the work I’ve been called to do. I’m also learning to be the person I always dreamed I was – a unique expression of Spirit. May my actions express the greatness I feel inside me, without apology. “I must be myself.”

 

Defiant Faith

This week a phrase has been repeating itself in my head and heart with absolute clarity and power: Defiant Faith. I don’t normally think of myself as defiant…not since my teenage years or battling through my first divorce. The simple definition is “a bold resistance to an opposing force.” This Defiant Faith of which I speak relates to the Power of Thought and its ability to create whatever images or ideas or beliefs we keep in our consciousness long enough to manifest.

I know how powerful thought can be in my life…in anyone’s life. I’m a witness to the “miracles” occurring for many people around me – getting promotions at work, being awarded new jobs in a beloved career, homes selling in record time, offers of help just when you need it, unexpected gifts that ease the burden of life, recovery from pain and illness. Defiant Faith is a powerful trust in one’s vision for their life. You know that you know that you know!

“Men fear thought as they fear nothing else on earth — more than ruin, more even than death. Thought is subversive and revolutionary, destructive and terrible, thought is merciless to privileged, established institutions and comfortable habits; thought is anarchic and lawless, indifferent to authority, careless of the well-tried wisdom of the ages. Thought looks into the pit of hell and is not afraid…Thought is great and swift and free, the light of the world, and the chief glory of man.”

~ Bertrand Russell, Why Men Fight

When moving and living in Defiant Faith, you do everything you humanly know to do in a given situation, in that NOW moment…cross all the T’s and dot all the I’s. You demonstrate responsibility for your part of the creation process. Then you let go and let God have some space to create the final form. It’s in this last step where Defiant Faith can be such a powerful force for yourself…to support your belief in the idea you are about to birth. It’s a way to remind yourself that the direction in which you are moving has value and purpose. You are resisting the opposing forces of negative thought of your ego or from the naysayers around you. Your belief, your faith, MUST be defiant if this dream or desire is to come into being!

“We must face this situation with great awareness, responsibility and defiance.”

~ Bashar Assad

Awareness comes from many sources. First, and foremost, from that “still small voice within” if we only give It proper attention and actually listen to It. Meditation is great for hearing It. Awareness and responsibility also come from our own life experiences, including any ventures deemed unsuccessful. There is MUCH to be learned in what we sometimes call “failure.” Mythology tells of the great phoenix rising from the ashes of its predecessor. There are many success stories built on years of disappointment. And yet a Defiant Faith kept the dream alive. An idea, a thought, to create…whatever had been placed in someone’s particular being…head, heart and soul…had to be brought into being…or die trying.

“Dying is not difficult, yielding is impossible.”

~ Jane Grey Swisshelm

I, too, am at that juncture. My desire to create “something” is so big I can no longer contain it. Yes, it’s important to take measured steps, to plan and build on solid ground, to do my part in full awareness, with great responsibility, and in absolute integrity. This adventure will teach me even more about myself; it will test and expand my skills, capabilities and consciousness. I will definitely grow. The tasks will build community and connection; it will bond those involved in a united purpose for the highest and best good of all. And this journey will require a Defiant Faith and trust that this thought, this idea, is mine to do…now! And so it is.

Decadent Self-Care (a Spiritual practice, I’m sure of it)

I’ve gotten a little behind in my self-assigned tasks. I keep track of things like that. Lists help. There’s no one to blame and I’m not feeling all that guilty, either. The truth is I’m starting to experience a more balanced life (a Spiritual practice) and schedule, including having some creative/hobby time, recreational activities, and feeling rested. This can be attributed, in part, to the fact that we bought a new bed… actually two. Let me explain how it’s impacting my schedule…in a very positive way.

My husband and I will celebrate …[getting calculator]…16 years of marriage in a couple of months. The very first piece of furniture we bought together back then was an Amish oak, Mission-style queen bed frame and mattress set. Mattresses come and go, but the bed frame has been a centerpiece in our marital life. We bought it together and, like our relationship, it is strong, secure, and will last for many, many years.  Our sleeping habits, on the other hand, have changed since the honeymoon.

This awareness came unexpectedly a couple of months ago during a period of illness – we both came down with the flu and chose to sleep in separate beds until our fevers and coughs subsided enough so we could sleep together again. I wasn’t hit with the virus as hard as my husband was, so I chose to sleep in the guest room and use a small, twin bed we had placed there.

The experience made me realize how small a twin bed had become since my childhood days.  However, sleeping alone on a twin bed actually gave me more space than being crowded over to the edge of a queen bed. I took measurements. The twin mattress was 36 inches wide. I made comparisons. A regular twin is normally 39 inches wide or about one-half the size of a king bed, which ranges from 76 to 80 inches wide. Our queen bed mattress is 60 inches.

I’d become accustomed to being in about one-third of our mattress space during the past few years. I don’t call it sleeping – not really. Between our snoring contests, blanket-tugging wars, and my hot flashes, sleep had become something I did for two or three hours at the most, wake up for awhile, and start again. Not a lot of “rest” in there, but the disturbances had become the norm. Then I got to experience a full 36 inches of mattress – all to myself – and I began to notice how deeply I slept and how refreshed I was the next day, barring the flu symptoms. I recovered rapidly and I began formulating a plan. No longer would I be happy with 20 inches of sleeping space for the rest of my life. Changes were about to be made.

I had all the measurements of various bed sizes. We visited a couple of stores to test out different mattress styles and sizes. I presented an idea to my dear husband, and after lengthy consideration over a period of weeks, we purchased TWO full-size mattress sets – one of his choice and one of mine – and placed them side-by-side in our bedroom. Now we each have our “own” bed with 54 inches of space to roll around in…108 inches of total AWESOME and decadent self-care! (again, Spiritual – I’m sure of it!)

I have been sleeping more soundly than I have in years. If a hot flash warrants blanket fanning, I know it won’t wake up my snoring husband…and he’s so far away on the other side of the bed acreage, that I don’t hear him that much anyway. We reach out our hands (or a foot) across the sheet to validate the presence of the other, comforted in knowing our loved one is near, peacefully sleeping close by, sort of.  It sure beats sleeping in separate rooms (as we’ve heard older folks sometimes do in their maturing years).

While we still need to work on further customizing comforters and headboards, we look forward to early bedtimes and sleeping later whenever we can. We’re thinking about moving a coffee pot upstairs, too. It won’t be long before this bedroom suite beats any 5-star hotel. I’m sure there are plenty of other features and décor items we can add to make it a place to spend the weekend (or at least a long Saturday morning). I think I’ll sleep on it for awhile.

Inspired to Co-Create

A seed of an idea sprouted in my mind several years ago and finally grew into form earlier this week: the creation of a spiritually-based women’s group that supports one another in their pursuit to be successful in whatever endeavor they wish to pursue…especially financial success. That group met for the first time a few days ago.

I’m grateful to see this initial meeting take place. I was inspired not only by the positive energy and the number of women present, but also by their high level of interest and active participation in the meeting’s activities. I look forward to our supporting each other, learning and growing together.

The visible success of our initial meeting validated that the timing was right for a group like this. Apparently, I was not the only one seeking ideas on the professional path, starting a business, handling personal finances at a higher level of expertise, or in need of a “sisterhood.” We were, are, able to connect at a spiritual and intellectual level that will support our adventures in life’s realm. We’re up and running!

The inspiration I felt during that meeting followed me home, kept me awake most of the night, and got me up with renewed enthusiasm to meet the morning. It has been filling me with confidence and determination to focus on a bright and growing financial future. My brain has been going non-stop as I consider the possibilities before me. The insights and honest suggestions shared at the meeting, and with friends since then, give me courage to make adjustments in my daily work schedule right now that will offer me greater life balance overall in a short time as well as long-term.

One of the aspects of making immediate and significant changes in my professional and financial directions, and sharing my commitments with the group, is how I must become accountable for my plans and actions. In fact, being more accountable is one of the key components and appeal for creating this women’s group. No more wiggling out of something you said you were going to do. When you share your intentions with someone(s) who writes it down, and follows up to see if you did what you said you were going to do, you’re more likely to actually do it. It’s the step beyond just saying it or writing down your goals. Yes, it’s important to do those tasks, too. Do whatever it takes to keep yourself on-track, motivated, and focused.

Did I mention I was excited about this process? Can you tell I’m inspired by the new mutual support that’s developing? I also am excited and inspired to see what I can co-create with God as my partner…and what Spirit will unfold in each area of my life to which I bring focus. I’m inspired to support the dreams of the other women in whatever way I can. Life is going to a whole new height!  

Did I mention I was excited?

Great Expectations

You wouldn’t think that the turning of a calendar page would make that much difference. The exception is the transition from the last day of the year to the first. Starting another year seems to open up people to all kinds of new possibilities. Suddenly, within 24 hours, life is filled with great expectations of promise and potential. I can feel it in myself as well.

My focus is on what lies ahead. I am invigorated with the possibilities of what I might create, where I may go, who will introduce themselves into my life, and how the world will unfold. As I tend to be a bit of a techno-geek, I’m truly interested in what software, gadgets and conveniences will be revealed to the world in the next few months. Besides the people and things that will come into my life, I also get to look forward to how I will grow and express as who I Am.

The eternal supply of ideas that comes into my brain is sure to drop a few into the soil of my conscious mind and passionate heart. Those plans that have not yet been developed need to remain strong and sturdy to root more deeply in creation…in thought. For example, I reviewed a few pages from a 2007 journal to discover seedling ideas that still merit development, but that I had put on the back burner so long ago, they’ve nearly dried up in the dark recesses of my memory. It’s a good thing I write some things down!

It’s not only the promising expectations of “doing” that capture my attention, but also the potential of who or what I will become (“be”). A recent meditation, in which I was directed to ask Divine Intelligence for gifts that would greatly benefit me on the next stage of my journey, resulted in three key characteristics I thought I already possessed…at least to some degree…but apparently am still in short supply of having: maturity, patience, and humility.

Not only did Spirit provide the answer with amazing speed, but as it caused my ego edgy discomfort and a bit of argument, my heart knew it was the correct answer. Yes, I have focused on deepening these characteristics in recent years and have made great progress. But are we ever really finished? If we’re honest with ourselves, there is always something more we can do to be a better human in this world.

I have great expectations of myself, it’s true. As I make my way into a new (dual) career move, give some attention to personal projects, spend time with family and friends, continue to create a life and home I love, and learn how to have balance in my life, the development of these three, strong characteristics will be at the forefront of my mind.

All of creation starts with a thought…and this, for today, is mine.

Happy Within

Just when I think I might have a challenge coming up with another topic for the week’s blog, I will hear or experience something that removes all doubt and that I MUST share. A few days ago a comment was made about hoping “…this will make them happy.” I shuddered at those words.

Happiness can ONLY be an inside job if it is to have any lasting meaning or significance at all. Certainly there are giggles of delight when someone does a nice thing for you or squeals of surprise when something fun occurs. Those experiences serve to increase the happy feelings and bring them to the emotional surface in a very visible way.

Yet, those reactions are temporary. They fade as quickly as one activity passes on to another or your mood changes. Happiness is yours to express and to share as you wish. YOU get to share it; no one can make you happy. Not really. In fact, you can actually block your own cheerfulness and choose to be in a foul mood, a control technique, of sorts…to damper the spirits and joy of those around you. However, when you carry true joy in your heart and soul, and while you may pause to consider how sad it is that someone you care about doesn’t wish to be happy, their unhappiness is their burden to bear or release as they choose.

I was once in a relationship where the person I was with was actually annoyed that I woke up happy each morning. I was chided for having a smile on my face when I opened my eyes or being upbeat and perky before breakfast. It didn’t matter what I or we were going through in life – and we faced some difficult situations together – it was the only way I knew how to be…happy! Yes, I do express other emotions of disappointment or sadness from time to time, but I always bounce back to and draw from this joyful reservoir. I have come to appreciate my positive disposition. It’s who I Am.

I like to think of true happiness as being this eternal joy that wells up from deep within your soul. You carry it with you always. Like love…peace…compassion…beauty…etc. As you never really run out of these qualities, the only way to not experience them is to not use them…to not acknowledge them. What I have found is that the more you do use, experience and share these eternal qualities, the greater they become as expressions of who you are. Isn’t that wonderful!?

I believe this joy is directly linked to the trust and faith we have in God. The more we can rely on that Higher Power to support and direct our lives, the greater happiness we experience. I know this to be true for me…so it must be possible for you, too. Try it. Don’t worry…be happy.

 

Anticipation

This year, more than any other time, I await the results of the presidential election with great anticipation. I’m certainly no expert on all the issues or the candidates. I’m sure there’s much I missed along the way. Yet I paid attention to what was important to me, balanced the presenta­tions from varied sources, did my own research, and then made my decision based on education, intuition and faith. It will be interesting to see how it all turns out.

Anticipation is an interesting sensation. It holds within it increased awareness, enthusiasm and hope… even some attachment to a specific result. This heightened feeling of expectation provides energy to stay alert, fully participating, being involved, and awaiting the finish or at least the completion of the next stage of unfoldment, whether it be election results, health diagnosis, project conclusion, and business or relationship decisions.

As any stage comes to completion, with it can come a sigh of relief and perhaps sadness that it’s finally over. Anticipation’s euphoric breath is released and a thought of celebration usually follows, however brief it may be. Shortly or eventually thereafter, a renewed energy begins to grow to address the next stage, the next idea, or another challenge…and the anticipation cycle begins again.

This cycle of anticipation and closure is very much like what we find throughout Nature. The ebb and flow of the ocean…the growth and rest of the plants from seed to maturity to decay…the changing of the different seasons…day and night… being awake or going to sleep…etc. Thus, this concept is nothing new. Anticipation is a normal way of being and provides us the motivation and energy to pursue our goals and intentions, as well as to carry us through any disappointments toward renewed optimism.

As the election winds down, I release a sigh of gratitude that this event is nearly concluded…until next time. The focus for many people will return to their previous interests, employment efforts, families, friends, homes, and social media postings…other normal ways of being and living. Our country takes a collective sigh of relief as we move forward into the next chapter of our world’s unfoldment and evolution. It’s an exciting time…and one filled with great anticipation!

 

Time for Action!

Have you ever heard of analysis paralysis? It’s when you’re so entrenched in research, analyzing, comparing, judging options, etc. that you can’t make a decision. You don’t think you know enough to do the next correct thing. So you don’t decide on an action step. You just keep collecting information. The thing is, if you make a decision – your best one possible – and then move forward into action, you will actually gain more insight and experience to move forward in your plan, adjusting and adapting as you go along.

I have another one for you to consider: education hesitation. This is similar to the above immobilizing phrase, but in a different sense. It has to do with the beliefthat…if you only had a little more education or went to a few more workshops or took additional retreats or met with a couple more experts/authors…then you would have what it takes to fill the role you say you want. Education hesitation comes from a sense of insecurity that you don’t quite know enough YET to be the person to do the job or start that business. It’s a way to hide out from really interacting with the world–just keep going to school. How do I know this? I used to do it. Thus, I can easily recognize it in those around me.

There’s a colloquial saying that states: “Sh*t or get off the pot.” It means stop avoiding what you say you want to do; make a decision and show some action toward your intended goal. There have been times when I wanted to make that statement to a friend or two…when they tell me of yet ANOTHER class they need to take before they can do whatever. But I’m trying to demonstrate patience and nonjudgment, so I stay quiet. Up until now.

Yes, it’s good to do research…to make an educated decision. Everyone should commit to “due diligence” when making a major change in life. Then, when you’ve discovered all you can, for now, move forward! Have Faith and Trust. Know that you’ll make some mistakes along the way. The truth is you will never know EVERYTHING there is to know about anything. Accept that and act anyway! There will always be something more to learn, one more perspective to consider, one additional piece of information to be found. If you wait until you think you know it all – if you hesitate too long – the opportunity to experience your heart’s desire may be gone before you get to live it. You will actually learn a great deal more by living in the role or situation than just reading about it. I’m a prime example of education hesitation.

Even though I spent numerous years obtaining a bachelor degree and later a masters, while putting in 25 years or so in corporate administrative support, working for high-level executives and gleaning whatever management tips and absorbing words of wisdom they were willing to share…then nearly six years as a church administrator, as well as simultaneously studying to be a minister…nothing is so eye-opening as to actually BE in the senior leadership role I am now blessed to experience…to live and do and be.

All of those prior experiences were invaluable; they helped prepare me – to some degree. Yet, I learn something more EVERY DAY that didn’t come from a research paper or a class or even a former job. Stepping into this role has allowed me to grow intellectually, emotionally, spiritually, in relationship with others, and in ways I never could have imagined. Yes, I make mistakes. I adjust and regroup on occasion. I might even take a step back, move in a different direction, make amends, or read another book. But I keep moving forward and upward in my own evolution. I wouldn’t trade that for all the research documentation in the world!

I rarely give advice to anyone. Today is an exception: Get off the pot! Don’t let education hesitation keep you from becoming the fullest expression your soul came here to be. Start living the dream you claim is yours!

 

My name is…and I’m a…

What do an unkempt yard, garden tools, and a timer have in common? The answer… awareness and inspiration. My time pulling weeds and cleaning up garden debris has brought to the forefront of my awareness an obvious addiction I’ve had for years…perhaps my entire adult life. It’s one that is often welcomed in the professional arena. But before my friends and congregants get too concerned about my problem, let me declare it here and now: I’m a workaholic…on the path to recovery.

During the past two years, I’ve focused on two separate careers. Long hours and extensive commuting have been the priority, excluding me from any kind of real life. Now, having left the distant, full-time office job and turning full-time focus to ministry, teaching and writing while working from home, I’m discovering the challenges of creating my day’s schedule, learning to rest without becoming complacent or distracted (staying motivated), and quieting the voice in my head that constantly tells me I’m not doing enough.

Just recently, I literally forced myself to spend an afternoon on the couch, resting after a busy Sunday morning and watching television with my husband. There was work waiting at my desk (there always is) and projects were clearly visible around the house, in the yard, garage, and especially in my office. The whole time I was on the couch, that ugly voice was whispering how lazy I was….that I wasn’t really tired and didn’t need to sit there…that work – any work – was more important than television (no matter what was on)…that I’d pay for it later…and other things that were much more critical and hurtful. Ego will say whatever it can to keep things static, familiar. It was all I could do to force my restless body to stay seated in the recliner.

I have always known how to work. I learned it at an early age and have been rewarded for my efforts. It’s what I do best. Frankly, resting, taking breaks, or relaxing is where the difficulty lies. Take away my opportunity to work on a project, to solve a problem, to meet a deadline, and it’s like taking away the bottle from an alcoholic or drugs from an addict. In the past, given a choice to work or go to some social event, I’d gladly choose work (in my head). Most always I have two or three or more projects going at the same time. My brain never shuts off and is generally focused on work-related topics. I learned I could rest when the work is done, but it never is. I’d start a 12-Step group in my area, but taking on another task would only add to the problem. (Go to Workaholics-Anonymous.org for symptoms of this addiction.)

As I work on my landscape maintenance projects, something I absolutely love doing, it’s become critical for my health to pace myself. I use a timer…and the “power of an hour.” I give myself one hour each morning to play in the dirt – that’s it. Then I consciously talk myself into cleaning up, putting away the garden tools, bagging up the weeds and yard trash, before going on to the next task (it’s quite a conversation!)…where I set the timer again. If I don’t limit my time in this manner, I have been known to work myself into exhaustion – euphoric with what I’ve visibly accomplished, but unable to move a muscle from all the adrenal push and exhaustion. My body needs the physical exercise and movement, but I don’t need to work myself to death. Yes, it appears I’ve reached bottom.

My ego had been fairly quiet these past two years as I pushed myself through an insane schedule and rationalized it was something I had to do. Now, it’s shouting again. Making the choice to focus on one career and a personal life has not been an easy one for me. I’m seeing me in a glaring light of self-awareness. I’m noticing the difficulty in pacing myself through projects, finding balance on a daily basis, and committing to recovery from this obsessive, addictive behavior. I’ve even begun to set the timer for my rest periods or fun activities, too, so I know when I can get back to work. Baby steps…one day at a time.

I’m ready to enjoy life – every bit of it – family, friends, home, hobbies, fun and relation, time for me, and work – each in its own turn. I’m grateful for all the loving support in this recovery endeavor. It’ll be interest­ing to see who I become through the process. I could go on and on about this, but right now, I’m being called outside to give a six-year-old lessons in tree climbing. See you later.