Discriminating Ideas

I recently saw a film about a well-known American baseball player in the 1940′s. It depicted the challenges of and racism toward a black athlete entering a strictly white sports team. Some parts of the movie were difficult to watch because the hatred was so clearly portrayed. It didn’t seem to matter to the team’s other players that this rookie was a phenomenal athlete or that the team’s improved standings as a result of his playing would benefit all of them. At least…not a first.

Eventually, much of the initial bigotry and prejudice amongst team members subsided, thanks to a forward-thinking team owner. The ideas associated with general racial discrimination became more specific over time. They became more discriminating about their discrimination. What an idea!

I find it interesting that two words, so similar in form, can be so different in meaning. Discrimination has synonyms like: bias, favoritism, prejudice, bigotry and intolerance. Discriminating, on the other hand, uses words like: sharp, astute, selected, perspective and discerning. Except for the positioning of the final two letters of each word, they’re identical. So where is all this going?

Any discrimination I have faced in life has not been racially based. Religious, yes. Gender, yes. Economic, yes. Nationality, yes. As a result, those experiences have made me more discriminating, whether I’m close to someone or not. For example, I’ve felt the pangs of religious discrimination from family members; it can come from anywhere. That experience had a significant influence on my efforts today to warmly welcome everyone who chooses to explore New Thought teachings and, in particular, our Spiritual community and church.

Much Good for my personal and Spiritual growth has resulted from those past hurts. I am…

• more selective about what I share about myself or when I voice my opinion. I don’t need to comment on everything.
• diligent in keeping an open or objective perspective about the world, to be more accepting of people as they are…neutral, non-judgmental. (It takes a little more effort and sharp focus when the people are closer to you in relationship. )
• able to separate the person (that child of God) from their misbehavior, which has allowed me to practice forgiveness more readily.
• an astute observer, noticing details about a person’s words, body movements, voice tone, or other communication methods.  As I really see people, I’m able to notice their vulnerability, their authentic Self, and offer compassion and kindness that connects us at a heart-level, a soul-level, where we recognize we are all part of that Divine Oneness.

These are discriminating ideas that I offer to you now as well. If we were to hone our discriminating skills, using the four bullet points above, we might never experience discrimination again. Think about it. Isn’t it about time?

 

Happy Within

Just when I think I might have a challenge coming up with another topic for the week’s blog, I will hear or experience something that removes all doubt and that I MUST share. A few days ago a comment was made about hoping “…this will make them happy.” I shuddered at those words.

Happiness can ONLY be an inside job if it is to have any lasting meaning or significance at all. Certainly there are giggles of delight when someone does a nice thing for you or squeals of surprise when something fun occurs. Those experiences serve to increase the happy feelings and bring them to the emotional surface in a very visible way.

Yet, those reactions are temporary. They fade as quickly as one activity passes on to another or your mood changes. Happiness is yours to express and to share as you wish. YOU get to share it; no one can make you happy. Not really. In fact, you can actually block your own cheerfulness and choose to be in a foul mood, a control technique, of sorts…to damper the spirits and joy of those around you. However, when you carry true joy in your heart and soul, and while you may pause to consider how sad it is that someone you care about doesn’t wish to be happy, their unhappiness is their burden to bear or release as they choose.

I was once in a relationship where the person I was with was actually annoyed that I woke up happy each morning. I was chided for having a smile on my face when I opened my eyes or being upbeat and perky before breakfast. It didn’t matter what I or we were going through in life – and we faced some difficult situations together – it was the only way I knew how to be…happy! Yes, I do express other emotions of disappointment or sadness from time to time, but I always bounce back to and draw from this joyful reservoir. I have come to appreciate my positive disposition. It’s who I Am.

I like to think of true happiness as being this eternal joy that wells up from deep within your soul. You carry it with you always. Like love…peace…compassion…beauty…etc. As you never really run out of these qualities, the only way to not experience them is to not use them…to not acknowledge them. What I have found is that the more you do use, experience and share these eternal qualities, the greater they become as expressions of who you are. Isn’t that wonderful!?

I believe this joy is directly linked to the trust and faith we have in God. The more we can rely on that Higher Power to support and direct our lives, the greater happiness we experience. I know this to be true for me…so it must be possible for you, too. Try it. Don’t worry…be happy.

 

Celebrate Life NOW!

Halloween happens to be my favorite holiday. Sometimes it’s just easier to be your ‘true’ self from behind the safety of a mask…or so I’ve told myself in the past. Fortunately, I no longer need a costume or a mask to be my authentic self, to be happy, or to have a little fun. It’s a matter of being comfortable with who I AM….and having my happiness and joy come from the inside, not from other people or various situations.

This new ability to be happy as I AM rather than because of something around me has impacted my perspective of this special October event. I no longer feel the need to wait until one particular day to dress up, decorate rooms with odd décor, act weird, or give away treats to strangers. I can do that anytime. (Be alert – you never know what might happen around here.) No, I’m not losing my mind. It’s actually a great way to live in the moment and enjoy what I have now.

Many years ago I read a piece by Erma Bombeck entitled, “If I Had My Life to Live Over”  ( http://www.goodreads.com/author/quotes/11882.Erma_Bombeck ) that planted a seed for this change of attitude. I also watch those around me who are ahead in years and wisdom as they use up or easily discard one family treasure after another – giving away things to family members, friends or charity – in an intense effort to make use of their collections or to clear out the burden of accumulating too much of life’s stuff. Once I started doing the same, my attachment to possessions, houses, cars, jobs, etc. all changed, too. What I know to be true for me now is that, for something to be kept in my possession for any length of time, it must be regularly used or displayed, or else it is shared or gifted away

It takes time for some seeds to really take root. We often call that maturity or part of the growing (aging) process when we finally recognize such wisdoms. I don’t have to wait for “someday” to enjoy and appreciate the abundant blessings that are mine. It’s happening now! I don’t need to wait until the right moment (event or holiday) happens before doing something special. I create the right moment. It’s always the right time for joy and happiness…to look for the Good in Life. And if there’s a holiday to remind us to celebrate the Good, all the better!

Stay-cation: Plan A or Plan B?

It’s no surprise to my family how difficult it is for me to take time off. And then there’s the insane process of ‘preparing’ to take time off…what I call “working at pre-vacation speed.” I don’t like catching up; I’d rather be proactive and do as much ahead of time so my return from holiday is at a relatively normal pace (whatever normal is at the time). Thus, by the time vacation comes, I’m truly ready!

My psyche gets a little confused over the whole stay-cation concept though. The idea of staying at home and not really doing anything is so foreign an idea that I’ve had to make some adjustments to the term. I can do day-trips, and then stay here at night, using my home like I would a hotel. I would need to leave very early in the day with a destination planned to encourage my departure. Otherwise, I know what I’ll do…start puttering around, picking up things, fixing projects, sitting down at my computer, etc. Before long, the day is over and I’ve not really experienced the activity I had intended. You can see my dilemma. Obviously the work-aholic issue is alive and present.

With regard to making plans, one tip I received long ago has come in handy in many situations. Make your first activity (Plan A) something you want to do, something you would enjoy and that feels like a worthwhile endeavor. Then also formulate a “Plan B” – an activity of equal or greater interest such that if “Plan A” didn’t work out, you wouldn’t feel at all disappointed. In fact, you might even secretly prefer that “Plan A” failed so you COULD do “Plan B.”

It’s a bit of an insane idea, psyching yourself out of wanting to do the first thing so you can do the second and have more fun, yet still feeling good about failing at the first option not working out to be able to enjoy the second. Make sense? For example, if…

• “Plan A” is to secretly hide away at home for three days with my husband so we can re­organize my office and finally get it functional and beautiful so I’m happy to be there every day, maybe get done quickly enough that we could do one or two of the things below
• …or…
• “Plan B” is (forget the office) just go off on daytrips with my husband, seeing local sights we’ve talked about, doing short hikes and café lunches, visiting places where we’d like to do dedicated retreats, watching a movie during the day or reading a book in the sunshine at a park

…I have some inner conflict between these two options. Each one would be fun for me! Each option leaves me satisfied. But this stay-cation isn’t about just me. The above plans have been discussed with my husband and somewhat laid out. I’m willing to turn over this challenging decision to him and go with the flow, knowing either option will bring happiness to my life. Who would have thought it would be so complicated to want to get away from work?

Won’t it be interesting to see how it all turns out?

Catch-Up…or Not

Ever since we moved back to our family home earlier this year, there has been a line of boxes waiting to be emptied. One room after another, items have been put away, given away, or tossed away. The artwork is finally going up on the walls. The heavier drapes are being hung in time for the cool nights of autumn. Life’s activities continue one day after the other amidst a stack of this or pile of that. Still, some boxes remain, with contents patiently awaiting a return to usefulness or the trash bin.

Occasionally I declare that it would only take a few days to “catch up” with all of it and things would be back to normal…that I would no longer need to look at these cardboard containers stacked around my office. When I tried that approach – taking a couple of days to unpack files into drawers, books unto shelves, and knick-knacks into corners – the other part of my life fell into panic…the deadlines and projects that I needed to pay attention to came due with amazing speed and stress. I traded one irritation for another.

The truth is, this IS normal…for as long as I can remember. There have always been boxes sitting around in some corner, filled with memories…numerous photograph albums, school papers, childhood gifts, and tidbits from relationships. Throwing these things away seems sacrilegious – all are parts of me. But every once in awhile, when we move or I need to get to something in the far back corner under the bottom of the pile, I’ll look through a box and determine that at least SOME item is no longer necessary to whom I’ve become. I’ll toss it into the wastebasket or ask one of my adult children if they want it. They never do. Why would they?

Frankly, I’ve come to accept that there is no “catch up” either. Time is time. We can’t save it up to use it later. We can only spend it as we live each day…fixing meals, working, hanging pictures, creating art or crafts, playing with grandchildren, working, visiting with friends, sleeping, driving, cleaning, recreation, working, studying, reading, writing, working, etc. (If you’ve followed this blog, you already know that, for me, working is a priority.) But sometimes I can empty a box or two.

I think the reason I resist the boxes is because of their contents. I want to explore each container indepth…look at each piece of paper to determine its value…fondly remember the goings on in my life at the time the item was gifted to me and by whom…make sure I throw nothing away that I’ll regret  later for having done so. No one can really assist me in this process. It’s a solitary endeavor. I’m the only one who can decide what stays and what goes…or how important that piece of paper is to my current existence. For example, reviewing the several small boxes of greeting cards received for all those special occasions during the past few decades from my loved ones. My husband has his own collection, too. We finally agreed that maybe it would be okay to reduce our “collections” and keep only a few of the most precious of these cards…when we have the time to look at them.

I know, eventually, all this will get sorted out. I’d just like to do it while I’m the one still making the decisions and so my children don’t get stuck with it. However, it’s not ALL going to happen today. And for now, I’m okay with that.

Many Hats…One Design

During a recent prayer session with a practitioner student, I was gifted with clarity into a behavioral habit I’ve developed rather consciously over the past couple of decades. I’m happy to say that the inspiration from that session included a resolution to make significant changes…to create and live a new way of being.

My approach to life has always been to have a backup plan. In this way, I have a “back door” escape, just in case the idea fails, plans don’t work out, or people let me down. What this has done, however, is to keep me from FULLY engaging in life. I participate, but only at a surface level. Sometimes it even allows me to hide out from life. Since I’m not totally engaged, there’s less chance of getting hurt, feeling failure, or even taking full responsibility – good or bad – for whatever the results might be. This approach, I reasoned, protected my heart and feelings from pain and disappointment of my own shortcomings or those of other people involved. Fortunately, I’m not operating from this perspective any longer.

The other related behavior, and which I have become very good at carrying out, is “changing hats.” I can speak to one person about marketing projects and deadlines, another about financial administration or team communication, another about massage and wellness tips, and still someone else about options to their spiritual path. In each case, I would put on “my hat” for each appropriate role (marketing professional, business manager, massage therapist, or minister and teacher, respectively), and then spoke from that perspective. I began to notice that my voice tone changed depending on which “hat” I was wearing or what needed to be addressed. I projected different personas. Many of us do this; there’s nothing really wrong with this communication technique. It’s just not the way I choose to express who I am any longer.

The truth is, I have all these capabilities bundled up inside this one magnificent being of spirit, brain and body – known as me. I’ve lived long enough to accumulate academic education, worldly knowledge, and wisdom from life experiences that give me some expertise in certain matters.  What I don’t know about something I can learn or rely on experts to advise me. I know that I don’t know all there is to know – and I’m okay with that.

The change I’m making – and what I’ve recently been inspired to do through powerful prayer and meditation practices – is to come from Source in all situations…to lead with the heart, with love. This means coming from my authentic, spiritual, heart-centered, compassionate, and strong nature God-self. I have all the Power of God available to my every thought and prayer, as much as I’m willing to accept. I trust with absolute certainty that the life I’m living is filled with Good and Love, no matter how it might look in the moment. I know the person I’m becoming will continue to evolve through all eternity, in one form or another. The only way I can hurt is if I let outside circumstances dominate and control my thinking.

A change of hats is no longer necessary. There is no need for a backup plan. I AM the plan.

My name is…and I’m a…

What do an unkempt yard, garden tools, and a timer have in common? The answer… awareness and inspiration. My time pulling weeds and cleaning up garden debris has brought to the forefront of my awareness an obvious addiction I’ve had for years…perhaps my entire adult life. It’s one that is often welcomed in the professional arena. But before my friends and congregants get too concerned about my problem, let me declare it here and now: I’m a workaholic…on the path to recovery.

During the past two years, I’ve focused on two separate careers. Long hours and extensive commuting have been the priority, excluding me from any kind of real life. Now, having left the distant, full-time office job and turning full-time focus to ministry, teaching and writing while working from home, I’m discovering the challenges of creating my day’s schedule, learning to rest without becoming complacent or distracted (staying motivated), and quieting the voice in my head that constantly tells me I’m not doing enough.

Just recently, I literally forced myself to spend an afternoon on the couch, resting after a busy Sunday morning and watching television with my husband. There was work waiting at my desk (there always is) and projects were clearly visible around the house, in the yard, garage, and especially in my office. The whole time I was on the couch, that ugly voice was whispering how lazy I was….that I wasn’t really tired and didn’t need to sit there…that work – any work – was more important than television (no matter what was on)…that I’d pay for it later…and other things that were much more critical and hurtful. Ego will say whatever it can to keep things static, familiar. It was all I could do to force my restless body to stay seated in the recliner.

I have always known how to work. I learned it at an early age and have been rewarded for my efforts. It’s what I do best. Frankly, resting, taking breaks, or relaxing is where the difficulty lies. Take away my opportunity to work on a project, to solve a problem, to meet a deadline, and it’s like taking away the bottle from an alcoholic or drugs from an addict. In the past, given a choice to work or go to some social event, I’d gladly choose work (in my head). Most always I have two or three or more projects going at the same time. My brain never shuts off and is generally focused on work-related topics. I learned I could rest when the work is done, but it never is. I’d start a 12-Step group in my area, but taking on another task would only add to the problem. (Go to Workaholics-Anonymous.org for symptoms of this addiction.)

As I work on my landscape maintenance projects, something I absolutely love doing, it’s become critical for my health to pace myself. I use a timer…and the “power of an hour.” I give myself one hour each morning to play in the dirt – that’s it. Then I consciously talk myself into cleaning up, putting away the garden tools, bagging up the weeds and yard trash, before going on to the next task (it’s quite a conversation!)…where I set the timer again. If I don’t limit my time in this manner, I have been known to work myself into exhaustion – euphoric with what I’ve visibly accomplished, but unable to move a muscle from all the adrenal push and exhaustion. My body needs the physical exercise and movement, but I don’t need to work myself to death. Yes, it appears I’ve reached bottom.

My ego had been fairly quiet these past two years as I pushed myself through an insane schedule and rationalized it was something I had to do. Now, it’s shouting again. Making the choice to focus on one career and a personal life has not been an easy one for me. I’m seeing me in a glaring light of self-awareness. I’m noticing the difficulty in pacing myself through projects, finding balance on a daily basis, and committing to recovery from this obsessive, addictive behavior. I’ve even begun to set the timer for my rest periods or fun activities, too, so I know when I can get back to work. Baby steps…one day at a time.

I’m ready to enjoy life – every bit of it – family, friends, home, hobbies, fun and relation, time for me, and work – each in its own turn. I’m grateful for all the loving support in this recovery endeavor. It’ll be interest­ing to see who I become through the process. I could go on and on about this, but right now, I’m being called outside to give a six-year-old lessons in tree climbing. See you later.

What You Can Do

I grew up in an age when mothers stayed home to raise the children and fathers were the primary wage earners. My generation (baby boomers), especially the female population, were just being indoctrinated with the idea of career liberation. For me this was not political revolution but common sense.

Why should anyone be restricted or limited from pursuing a profession or career position simply because of their gender? Or racial background? Or any other identifiable characteristic? If you think you can do it, pursue it – was the message provided by the adults surrounding me.  Thank goodness! This approach applies not only to career aspirations, but to every realm of life conceivable. (The one caveat I include is “as long as it doesn’t hurt anyone” in the process.) In this culture we have the option to explore any job for which we have the skills or are willing to learn. We can develop artistic capabilities, musical talents, aptitudes in technology and science, human or social interests.

Life offers unlimited possibilities in every realm of consciousness. Nature is evidence of this idea. So the reasoning follows that if the Creator (God) has abundantly supplied the universe with innumerable features and beauty, available for all to appreciate and respect, why should we limit ourselves to only one or two modes of creating a life?

Through time and natural evolution new species of animals and plants have come and gone. The same is true for the technological advancements the world continues to produce. We now have items available for purchase that used to be just something seen in a sci-fi movie. After viewing a recent television commercial about an advancement in television technology, I got the feeling that I’d been projected several years (decades?) into the future. It was a bit disconcerting, but awe-inspiring as well. It validated, once more, if you can do it, pursue it!

Question is: what do I want to pursue? I’m never at a loss for new ideas. My challenge most often is deciding which path at what time. There is a cornucopia of opportunities all around you and me, surrounding us. Which one to choose? Where is time best spent? What is the best use of skills and talents? What inspires me or you today…at this stage of life…with what you can do?

There’s no doubt we change as individuals…our interests, our skills, our priorities. While my current day-job provides me with sufficient funds to pay certain bills, it leaves my soul crying for greater expression. (Fortunately, I do explore other heart-supporting endeavors, too.) A recent “personality test” allowed me to answer questions that confirmed it’s time to fulfill both – to earn an income that exceeds my financial obligations AND in a way that satisfies my creative yearnings. I know it exists or I wouldn’t have the idea. If I can think it, God (the Universe) can create it. And with God as my partner, I cannot fail!

Start Where You Are

Thanks to a daily reading provided earlier this week by Mary Morrissey, the idea of start where you are has been at the forefront of my mind for several days. I think of it as an expansion of “first things first,” “be here now” or “living in the now moment.” Start where you are implies there is something to be done and that you have all the tools you need to begin it.

Let’s say you want to start a meditation practice. You’d really like to spend at least an hour or two a day in total spiritual bliss and prayer, and emerge from the experience as an enlightened giant among men. But you never seem to have that much time to spare in your busy working life and you don’t know what to say. Start where you are. Dedicate just five minutes – in the morning, at night, at lunch, on a break – and begin with what you have. Set a timer if you must; it can help you relax into and focus on the moment. Use the words you know and feel. Prayers coming from the heart are much more powerful anyway. Then watch as you naturally expand the time for this meditation practice, and happily see unrealized benefits in all directions.

Recently I was counseling someone about an experience they were having with a family member. As I listened patiently for the story to be told, I could feel the pain in their words and remembered a similar incident in my own childhood. My intent was to bring unity to this person, their family, and the situation, but how? By the time the tale was told, I found myself sharing what I had done as a child when such a situation occurred in my home (Reading!) …and how I’ve benefited years later. I shared that, although my experience was painful at the time, I discovered my solution empowered me, made me feel good about myself. I found peace in the midst of chaos and a method that has been my comfort to this day. It’s led me to advanced education, writing, teaching and speaking. I started with what I had, what I knew, and built from there. Given the slightest encouragement and support, growth is inevitable!

Whether you are searching for a job, moving your home, changing a habit, helping those less fortunate, or trying to improve relationships, start where you are…it’s all you can or need to do! Tap into that Divine Energy within for strength and courage to put one foot in front of the other and get moving in the direction you have in mind. Build on your intention. What you focus on WILL grow and expand.

You can also start where you are by appreciating what you have to begin with. Gratitude is a key element in attracting ‘more’ into your life…more love, joy, peace, abundance. Just like the mustard seed, growing from its tiny form into a giant tree, you can do anything you truly desire, focus on, and nourish – start where you are!

What Do You Do?

It’s interesting how people respond when asked, “What do you do?” Many people start by naming their primary job or occupation, or sharing that they are now retired. However, what I recognize more and more in conversation is that their response is often followed by “but I also…” Perhaps I’m particularly sensitive to noticing this as it has become my habit as well…up until now.

What is it about our culture that we are not content with having only one occupation or job or with being done in the work world? Must we really let everyone know how busy we are at all times? And list all of our hobbies or interests or volunteer activities? Is it our ego that demands such attention to what we do or acknowledgment of what productive citizens we are? Surely our God-Self has no concern about the reply, for that Creative Energy does it all anyway! Or is it because many of us are not satisfied with our primary, income-generating occupation? Is the only way we make a living and find personal satisfaction in life to do this AND something else?

Maybe we just need another way to respond altogether. When asked, “What do you do?”…we might say something like: “I’m creating a fulfilling and happy life.” 

It’s an answer that covers all the bases without a litany of description or excuses. Another nice thing about this response, it doesn’t lock you in to one type of job description. It sets you free to do all that interests you and for which you have talent (or want to develop further)…without justification or validation. This response not only sets an example for others in how to answer such a question, but also opens the door to speak to what interests the inquirer – if they choose to take it to the next step in the conversation. With pin-pointed questions, you can respond to the exact nature of their query.

Our work is not our entire life. While it can be a big portion of it, and while we may need to pursue the “have to” until we find our bliss and the money follows, we can be grateful and happy for all that we are blessed to be doing. Do it with balance. Do it with humility. Do it with joy. What do you do? I’m creating a fulfilling and happy life!